So, life's a bit bizarre.
Growing up, I always thought I'd follow my family to school in Georgia, yet I ended up in North Carolina. I always thought I'd be strict, organized, on time, yet I'm scrambling at all ends just to make deadlines and meetings.
And most recently, I always thought I'd be regarded as an athlete, a collegiate runner, yet I'm now just a college kid trying to understand what his identity has been all along.
I recently decided to stop running here at Wake. And in no ways can a nine-word sentence explain how hard that was for me. It's been something that I was wrestling with for so long, but I had the hardest time surfacing my thoughts or feelings on it.
I couldn't figure out why God was changing the plans that I thought He and I had discussed and agreed upon. Yet, I knew He was telling my heart that it's time to let go and follow Him.
It's not a decision that I liked wholly, altogether. It caused me to have conversations with my parents and other people that I worried would made me look like I wasn't strong or good enough to finish what I'd begun. But God is so comforting sometimes.
The night I was going to call my dad on the phone and explain things to him is cemented in my mind as the most nervous I've ever been for a conversation. I thought he'd be disappointed, embarrassed, and just thoroughly angry. Instead, I think it was the most loving and consoling he's ever been. He was affirming in his support of me and my relationship with my Savior. I know that God wanted me to make a bold decision for Him, and He so quickly answered with His protection, love, and grace in my dad that night.
And so times are different now. I'm trying to focus on how I can be most effective relationally with people here and how I can continue to pursue my God on a daily basis.
God has been so consistent in revealing His intentions in all this. So now I don't worry about if things are changing from the course they were originally planned for. I'm trying not to worry about certain claims that say the God of the Old Testament doesn't quite line up with this God of the New Testament. The God I know is steady in His love and grace. He is consistently affirming me as His creation and son, and just as equally, He's pushing me, testing me to grow in my faith and trust in Him. And I believe that He's so sovereign in whatever direction He's pulling me in.
